Tuesday, July 17, 2012

sometimes you make resolutions in the middle of july

resolutions are a funny thing...
i feel like i always set resolutions at times that are not congruent with norms (new years, birthdays, etc)

resolution number one:
my big resolution this year has been to unleash an inner athlete...i started the day before thanksgiving...you know, like normal people do.

now, usually my general klutziness has barred me from being able to do most physical activities in the past. the two people who will read this blog will know that i can literally break my toes walking five feet from my bed to the bathroom. as a kid i had terrible knee and asthma problems which led me not to participate in gym for the duration of my youth. i started swimming because it was something i could do that put no pressure on my knees and then my ear issues got in the way and the doctor told me i was no longer allowed to swim. i was essentially the girl in the bubble...

some weird thing came over me in november where i decided i wanted to try and be athletic. honestly, it wasn't even about loosing weight at first. it started with trying to regain a part of my childhood that i thought i never really got to experience.

so what happened in november?
i went to go get my hair did at my favorite denver salon and two of the stylists (sarah-my stylist and lindsay) were discussing crossfit. now, i had heard of crossfit before but i assumed it was primarily for douchebags who were obsessed with their abs and lack of brain cells. granted, if we're being entirely honest some of those people do certainly exist. lindsay mentioned that her boyfriend had just opened a new crossfit and that i should go...and the next morning i did.

in general i am not a shy or timid person with two blaring exceptions: boys (i'm like baby carrying that watermelon in dirty dancing) and physical activities that aren't dancing (trust me dudes, i own the dancefloor). my first crossfit class there was two of us. absolutely nowhere to hide, nowhere to run: pure, unadulterated exposure. i have in my life been someone who has carefully constructed living a life where i only do the things i know i will succeed at (which will factor heavily into the second resolution of the year-but, more about that later). this was the first time, i tried something that i didn't think i'd be good at. my first day we were doing push presses and i push pressed a hundred pounds. it was like a gateway drug into physical fitness. i determined right then and there that i would huff and puff my way into becoming a crossfitter.

resolution number two:
resolution number two came in february when i decided i was going to let myself start failing at things. if i failed it meant i tried...and that was an important step for me. i don't really do vulnerable well (foreshadowing of resolution number three)...and failing is vulnerability at it's most embarrassing or soul crushing. i started allowing myself to be more vulnerable...i even cried once at the gym-it was awful and totally cathartic. i feel as if  i've encountered a totally different person in my skin.

this new found vulnerability also managed to bleed into other aspects of my life. it's made me a better performer and frankly, a better person. things that had formerly held the power to shut me down now were less likely to do so...or i was more inclined to be honest and say something hurt my feelings instead of stonewalling. recently, i had someone say something to me about the size of my arms on stage. it stung...a lot. then, i went and did my wod (workout of the day for you non crossfit folk) on monday and could easily clean and push press 85 pounds(the rx weight for the workout) and i stopped and had a moment where i was grateful for my large arms. they're strong and resilient and i like that.

resolution number three:
at the start of all this i very specifically did not want to make my weight loss the narrative of my life. nor do i want it to be my narrative now. but, i do want a place where i can share what's going on...in the gym, on the stage, in life, yadda yadda yadda.  it's an attempt to be more honest in all aspects of my life and with this resolution  i figured it was time to fire up ye ol' blog again. so friends, i'm back...and i know, i've said it before but i promise...there's far more intention to my blogging now.



  1. So happy you're back... again. And excited to follow your journey. As you already know, I'm super interested in crossfit because of you!